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Quite a good story, but, I wonder, does mine hold competition against it? After all, the Horde and Alliance's differences are less defined in mine, being that matters involve both the cowardly Alliance and the mighty Horde

For the Horde!

-Unknown

Way to start with some action - a lot of good stories start in media res, "in the middle of things" and it's a good way to draw your readers into the plot. It starts off with a sort of mystery since you're thrown into the tale without knowing a lot of the background, so you get to learn it as you go on.

This is just a short excerpt, and I hope you work to create more of the story later. While you're working, I would suggest working to develop these scenes to give them more depth. You introduce a good setting and a workable character from the beginning, but this entry rushes through a lot of areas that could be built into some killer descriptions.

By slowing down and describing the dungeon in more elaborate terms, try to avoid cliches like "dark, dreary dungeon" which sounds just flat and overused. Draw upon sensory details to help set the mold for your setting. When writing, take some time to think to yourself what would someone see/hear/smell/feel in this place?

With characters as well, we get a short background about the chained Paladin's condition in the dungeon, but what else about him. Some good character questions to ask are what does my characters feel/think/do?

You'll find that taking the time to try to answer some of this questions will not only boost the length of your pieces, but you'll solve depth problems before they ever come up. Don't get caught doing it *every* time, but taking a moment to dwell on a few of those questions can help to liven up a story.

Also, on a smaller note, take time to go through and edit your story. A clean spelling and punctuation bill will keep readers focused on the story and not on the tiny errors. Don't be afraid to plop your text into Word and do a quick grammar/spelling check to help catch somethings you may miss.

Keep it up, you're making a good start and I hope that you'll write some more. In writing, practice breeds improvement.

***General Disclaimer: Writing is hard, criticism is easy. Please take these comments as my suggestions. In the end it's your story to write as you choose - Steve ***